Beneath the shadowy veils of injuries passed, love cannot abide.

The Goddess must wake and cast off the veils to beckon love’s embrace.

Imagine baking your wedding cake using whatever you found in your cabinets –some salt, a jar of marmalade, cereal and a dash of food coloring. Most people assemble their romantic relationships in much the same way, tossing in their unresolved fears, baggage, wounds, bad habits and self-loathing. They finish the mix with someone who they hope will “complete them.” When the whole thing collapses, they lament that relationships don’t work. Nonsense. Relationships created with the right ingredients do work. They’re sticky sweet pleasures that encourage you to become more yourself.

The first step in creating the love you desire and deserve begins with healing, purifying and loving yourself. The lover you attract will be your mirror, reflecting and exploiting your best and worst qualities. All of the unhealed wounds, limiting beliefs, unworthiness and heartaches you’ve collected on life’s journey will color every new relationship, until you understand, resolve and release them.

If you are single, for a month or two, at least, commit to exclusively dating yourself.  If you are in a relationship, carve some time out of each day to romance yourself. Learn to give yourself all the kindness, attention, time and love you’ve wanted from others. Lavish yourself. Make lists of your good qualities and everything you’ve done that you admire. Reconnect with the child you were. Do some of the things she dreamed of doing. Teach her what love is by showing her. Meditate, do yoga, draw, dance, paint, run on a beach, or take a weekend trip to somewhere beautiful, alone.

While you’re learning to love yourself, examine your childhood and relationship history. Write about it, place the past outside of yourself so you can see it more clearly. If you’re spiritual, use this time to commune with your Source. Acknowledge that there are no accidents, you’re here on purpose. Dissolve the prisons of man, and mind, made illusions by releasing the insane notion that someone or something need choose you for anything. You’ve already been chosen for the most significant honor there is, life. You are enough and you always have been. Perish any thought to the contrary.

Make it a point to learn how you hold yourself back and discover new ways to open up to the good things in life. Decide and practice this rule to live by: what others think of you (no matter who they are) is none of your business. This is your life. You deserve to spend it with the happiest and healthiest version of you. Genuine self love itself is a worthwhile end, but there’s a huge bonus: a happy woman is a sexy woman.

Romancing yourself is deceptively powerful because when you genuinely hold yourself in high regard, the foundation for every future relationship is laid. The way you treat yourself slips through the ethers teaching others how to treat you. The woman who knows how to love herself will hook the healthiest gentleman in the room.

Until next time, be well.